My slightly sassy (but legitimate) list of limits and requirements

This list is inspired by phi-is-me's list titled My slightly sassy (but legitimate) list of limits and requirements (Found here). Some of the points are hers that I've borrowed and some of them are my own.

I’m Not a Pantry: No food in the nether holes. There are plenty of other fun things you can stuff into me. Frequent UTI's make anything with food completely off limits. Keep the grocery aisle out of it. This includes ginger, jalepeño juice, paprika, and produce. Ice cubes are permitted, however.

Discomfort and Pain: If you want me to kneel, I get a pillow. Last thing I need is to come out of subspace ‘cause my effing knees hurt. That’s not happy pain. I have fibromyalgia. It's always gonna be here and there's not much that can be done about it. My pain threshold is lower than most, and this may cause me to safeword earlier, ask for special accommodations, or need more intense aftercare. Don't like it? Move the fuck on. My fibro is a part of me and if you can't accept that, I don't need you around. I will cover this more in another point.

Titles: Please don’t try to tell me what to call you. I will ask if there's something particular that I can call you, but unless you've really earned it or you hold a special place with me as my Dom, don't expect anything special. On that note, do not think to call me a title that you haven't earned. If you try, I will call you on it and it will not be pretty.

Humiliation/Degradation: Slut, whore, fucktoy, cocksucking wench... - these are okay ONCE I KNOW YOU; this goes with the above point - do not just walk up to me and call me a whore. However... Fat slut. Stupid whore. These are not. The former ‘cause of body image issues, the latter ‘cause you’re just wrong and that makes you look like an idiot. How do I respect an idiot?

Sex: If you are not romantically involved with me, intercourse (as in your penis in my vagina) ain't happening. I don't care if you say you'll use a condom, I don't care if you have papers saying you're clean. Not. Gonna. Happen. If you push this subject, you will be ignored and reported. Condoms are not always 100% and if Doctor Gregory House taught me anything, everyone lies. I don't give handjobs; I don't really like it so I reserve that for those romantically involved. Blowjobs are a rare occurrence. Because of my fibro, I have TMJ, which means having my mouth open for that long is incredibly painful for me. That doesn't mean I'll never do it, it just means it's not something I'm just going to give out like candy on Halloween.

Kissing: I'm taking a page from my favourite fictional hooker, Vivian Ward; kudos if you can tell me where she's from WITHOUT GOOGLE. No kissing on the mouth. Kiss my forehead, my cheek, my neck, my shoulders. No kissing on the mouth though.

Nobody’s Perfect: I'm human, you're human, we're all human here. We all fuck up once in a while. If I do fuck up and deserve punishment - pick up the pieces when you’re done. Make sure I know I’m forgiven. It’s gonna take you a while to get through to me. I need to know that even know I fucked up, I can and will be forgiven for my transgressions.

Aftercare: I expect a message here on Fetlife the day after we play, and if you don't contact me, I will contact you. If I get to be reminded of you every time I sit down or look at myself in the mirror, then I want to know you're thinking of me too. If you can't make that kind of commitment, don't mark me.

Appreciation: I’m going to appreciate the hell out of you. Please remember to appreciate me. I'm not asking for some big, grand gesture. But some form of appreciation A) Makes me feel like I'm wanted B) Makes me know that I'm not just being used and C) Makes me feel good. And everyone wants to feel good.

Honesty: No joke here. Do not lie to me. Do not say nice things to me you don’t mean. I am a ridiculously trusting person; do not take advantage of me or of that facet of my personality. If you do, know that the consequences will be dire. I will believe every word you say until you’ve lied to me once. And then I will struggle to believe ANYTHING you ever said was true. It's just easier to tell me the truth. You don't want to play again? Okay, just let me know. You're not into playing with bigger girls? That's fine! Everyone has their preferences. As Genie said in Aladdin, TELL THE TRUUUUUTH!

Be Yourself: Please don't try and change yourself to be someone that you're not just to get close to me/play with me/court me/etc. It took me a very long time to find 'ME' and after I did that, I had a greater appreciation for people that did act fake and liked they liked something just because someone else did. Now if there's something that I like (kinky or not) that you don't or that you're neutral and you WANT to investigate it and see if you like it, I'm more than happy to help with that! I love when my friends start to get into something that I am, because it just adds something that we can talk about. Never watched Doctor Who but want to? Invite me over for the weekend and we'll marathon it! Don't like sushi, but you want to know why everyone else does? Let's head to a sushi bar and we'll get our nom on! Just be true to you. No one likes a poseur.

Be Understanding: Now, I covered it a bit in the point titled Discomfort and Pain, but I'll go into it a little more here. I have a chronic autoimmune disease. There is currently no cure for it. We can only manage it with medication, holistic healing, and changing our lifestyle. Someone with fibromyalgia has a life filled with maybe's; one of the few consistencies of fibromyalgia is the inconsistency. We never know how we're going to feel day to day and this can make planning difficult or impossible. Maybe I can cook today. Maybe I can drive. Maybe I can take a shower. Maybe I can get out of bed. Maybe I can make that coffee date. Maybe I can come to that party. Maybe I can play. My life in one word is MAYBE. And you'll need to be understanding of this. If I planned to come over and play and cancel the day of because I'm flaring up, I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry and it does upset me as well, because I was looking forward to it. Or sometimes I can still come over, but we'll have to settle for watching a movie instead. Please don't blame me for this; I shoulder enough guilt on my own. I don't need and won't tolerate it from you.

Attachment: There is a difference between a spouse/partner/mate and a -play- partner. There is actual a very distinct line between the two. Do not blur these two things. If you are just a play partner, that's all you are to me. You're not my boyfriend or girlfriend. We can be friends, but we're not romantic. If I express interest in becoming romantically involved, that's another story. But don't assume that just because I let you feel me up, flog me, get me off, etc. that I'm your girlfriend. I appreciate the flattery, but please respect my boundaries. The same goes for Domming; if I let you top me in a scene, that's one thing. But you're not my new Dom. It takes a hell of a lot more than one scene to earn my submission. Having this school of thought will make me send your ass packing faster than you can blink and I'll make sure that other's hear about it.

Updates for my Lovelies!

Oh. My. Gods. I went to my first play party Saturday night. And it was amazing. I was super shy and introverted for the first half and I just nibbled on food and watched all the scenes everyone else was putting on. And then the hosts kinda gently pushed me into trying something, which was fire play. 

IT WAS AMAZINGLY OMGWTF AWESOME! I think I may have found a new favorite fetish. If you're into the Scene and you've never tried it, I strongly urge you to. After that, I did another scene with the same person with sensory play; I had suspected that this would be my favorite and I was correct. After we finished that one and I came way the fuck down, we played with nipple clamps and floggers. I discovered that there is a way I can enjoy the latter even with my fibro. 

However, my breasts and chest are hella bruised now, as seen below.

I had such a great time. I am so damn glad I went.

I then went to our communities weekend munch Sunday night. I made a few new friends. There was a couple sitting across from me and the guy was like "Honey, she was at the party last night." And she looked at him and was like "Nuh uh! I would have remembered her!" And he said "Well... You might not remember her face since her head was thrown back in lust, but I promise you you remember -hearing- her." And her eyes got all wide and said, "OH! THAT WAS YOU!?! Oh my god, you were the one in the corner with the black and pink lingerie that was super loud?!"

I blushed about 10 shades of red. And then had another person come over after hearing that I had some awesome bruises. And I bought myself a nice necklace with my tax money. It's a golden pearl with wings on either side. It's a snitch from Harry Potter. So the female from the couple beside me pointed it out and said what it was, so she and I bonded quickly. And the girl beside me was all geeky and a roleplayer, so she and I bonded really well.

I really feel like I'm coming out my shell.