Communication

I ran across this very insightful Fetlife post on a "What my Dom should expect of me" yesterday and I feel like I took a lot away from it. I am unaware of the original author of this, but if you know, please tell me so I can give proper credit for it. 

Communicate
I want to know everything. More than you think, by far.
No, it's not whining. It's not private. Yes, it most certainly is my business, and you're damn well going to tell me. This isn't up for debate, it's how it is, and you'd better get used to it.
Trust is amazing, surrender is beautiful, but communication is just as paramount if this thing is going to work. I have to know everything. Not just who you are, which food you prefer and what your favorite band is. That's nice and all, but I need to know what drives you. What you fear, what you crave, what you can and can't handle. I need to know the you that no one else gets to see, and I need to see it not just once, but in every moment, as it changes. Yes, you're right, that sounds like a lot of work. Suck it up, cupcake, no one said this was going to be easy.
I'm not just talking about talking, either. I'm talking about what is almost certainly an entirely new set of skills. The ability to be truly, completely transparent and open, even when you're afraid you'll come off as selfish, rude, or otherwise. When I ask your opinion, I want the truth. Yes, I realize that you're trying to be all cute and submissive by telling me you don't care where we get dinner when I ask if you have a preference. Here's the rub; if I didn't want your opinion, I wouldn't have asked for it. I would have happily selected, and it never would have been a discussion. The very fact that I am asking you means I want the information that you can provide, that I don't already have by sheer observation.
All right, dinner's a ridiculous example, because at the end of the day Thai vs. Italian on some random ass Tuesday night is not what's going to make or break things. You know what will, though? You holding back while I'm pushing you. Not only is it not allowed, and that in and of itself will earn you some much deserved repercussions, but it's also downright dangerous. Holding back information when talking about the evening's culinary events won't send someone to the hospital, or jail, but doing so while my belt's around your throat most certainly could
Like I said, this isn't just about talking. You may not be in a place to spill your guts while enduring whatever mind-fuck I've dreamed up, or whichever whim is currently taking precedence at the moment, but you will learn to be honest, and open. You will cry when it hurts, you will tell me when something doesn't feel right, you will beg mercy when you can't take any more, you will ask if something should feel like x, or if you may change positions if your leg went to sleep or, whatever the case may be. No, that is not topping from the bottom, or being less than submissive, or questioning my authority. If you truly think I am weak and insecure enough to feel threatened by you telling me that something hurts, or that you can't feel your toes, we've got some serious talking to do, or some serious "get the fuck out"ing, one or the other.
Look, here's how this works - You give me every last shred of information you can muster, and I make decisions based on that. This concept is not difficult, but some seem to have a massive problem with it. To me, one of the many things you are is a data collection point. I'm sick and tired of submissives that seem to be under the impression that their input doesn't matter. That they are somehow being disobedient if they ever speak up and voice anything, god forbid an utterance of dissent. What you're feeling and thinking; whether that's physical situations, emotional impacts and swells, or damn near anything else, absolutely matter. They may not always change the course of things, or my decisions, but they matter.
Why do they matter? I want the information. I want to know that your feet went to sleep from kneeling like that for so long, or that you feel nauseous from being hung upside down or...you get the idea. I want to know because while I am pretty damn perceptive, I am not omniscient, and if you ignore those things and a problem arises because of them, not only does it ruin whatever we're currently engaged in, but it means someone made a mistake. It also means that someone is going to be in serious trouble for that mistake, and get their ass in a sling for it. Here's a hint: That someone? It's not me.
If I'm pushing you in any way you can be damn sure I'm as in touch and paying as close attention as I possibly can. That being said, I can't see when your circulation goes wonky, your panic begins to set in, or some massive emotional trauma starts bubbling up from who knows where. It is not a bad thing to communicate, to feed me as much information as you possibly can. It is a bad thing not to. Trust me, "Ow that hurts!" is not a safe word. Telling me I'm a fucking asshole will not hurt my feelings, and tears won't slow me down. You pouring out emotion, frustration, fear or anything else will not stop me in my tracks. It will only help me better guide us on the course I have in mind, fine tuning things where necessary to achieve the result I want, taking the new information into account. This is not to say I'm not watching, and if you didn't see the issue coming either then you're not exactly accountable, are you? But if you knowingly hold back for any reason, there's a problem.
Just as much as communicating when something is too much, communicating what you want, need and crave is important too. You aren't a pretty little princess. You aren't going to get everything you ask for, or want. You sure as shit aren't going to run the show. You don't have to worry about expressing desire because you are afraid you'll sound demanding, or you'll walk all over me. You won't. What you will do, however, is let me deeper into your psyche, into understanding what makes you tick. You'll let me into knowing how to reward you, or strike fear in your heart. Into how to use both the carrot and the stick, and that's a valuable thing.
It is not your job to filter. It's not acceptable to me for you to remove my choice in matters. If you don't tell me that plugs hurts like a son of a bitch already, and it's only 30 seconds into wearing it, you are removing my choice to alter the situation, and thereby arrive at a different and likely more desirable outcome than you screaming out eventually and me having to rip the damn thing out of you and stop what we're doing to make sure you're okay. Stop your damn martyring, it's not honorable, submissive or dutiful. It's selfish, even if you don't see it yet.
How in the hell am I supposed to drive if I don't have all the information? I can't make informed decisions if you're holding back, you can't let go completely and trust me if you haven't told me all there is to tell, and I can't act without doubt if I don't trust you to be absolutely honest to a fault, whether that is with your words, your reactions, or even your body's response. Communication is more important than most ever seem to understand, and in my world it is non optional.

I want it all, and I won't stop until I have it.